Sexual intimacy ebbs and flows, but you can take control.

Why a healthy sex life is all in your head

Sexual chemistry naturally ebbs and flows over the course of a marriage. But, as common as these fluctuations are, it is still in your power to address them. Recently, Mary Jo Rapini of YourTango published a candid piece on marital sex and the difficulties some couples encounter over the years.

Accrdoing to Rapini, two important steps to help jumpstart the physical side of your relationship actually start with your headspace.

"The brain is the largest sex organ," she writes. "You have to start here to feel good about sex. If you are angry or anxious at a partner, you have to deal with the brain first. Anger that is held in does not create good sex or help you to feel sexy."

In addition, Rapini notes that the way you perceive yourself can also influence your eagerness to get up close and personal with your spouse. If you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, you may not feel attractive to your partner either (no matter what he says to the contrary). With that in mind, you have to learn to embrace your figure or any perceived flaws as a part of what makes you unique and ultimately desirable.    

Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling sex life takes a lot of investment, both emotionally and physically. It's more than just introducing a warming lubricant (though that can certainly heat things up). If you and your partner are experiencing issues with sexual intimacy, take some time to explore the mental roadblocks that could be keeping you from enjoying each other in the bedroom.

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