When it comes to creating long-lasting and happy relationships, many people think that one of the keys is to cut down on the fighting as much as possible. The common thought is that fighting just leads to resentment and frustration, no matter what the subject. This is not always true, argues psychologist Daniel Griffin, and in some cases arguing is just what can help keep a marriage passionate and fresh.
In a piece written for The Huffington Post, Griffin talks about a couple, Greg and Sue, who had recently seen him for some marriage counseling. While everything looked good on paper from the outside – decent jobs, kids, been together for awhile – Griffin says that he felt their relationship was on its last legs. The reason? They had given up fighting with each other, simply content to live in peace and deal with frustrations in a calm manner.
Griffin then went out to talk about what he calls "essential fighting", which happens whenever there is a genuine disagreement between a couple. Not only is this good for dealing with whatever issue is at hand, the fighting is actually a wonderful way for couples to keep the passion in their relationship alive. Those couples that become distant or stagnant are the ones that fail, because they cannot even manage the interest in having differences of opinion.
While no couple should spend all of their time fighting – that would not be healthy either – striking the right balance is crucial for the successful continuation of any romantic partnership.
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